Rebuilding My Wardrobe & The Way I See Me.... and Random Stuff :)

     So this weekend was GREAT and this week seems to be just as good so far.  Went shopping this weekend for my daughters graduation dress (found an amazing dress for her) and ended up trying on some clothes myself.  I met the dressing room with skepticism, kind of just a lets see if this fits for giggles and grins. Much to my surprise in the first store (Ross) I found two summer dresses in a size 24 that fit me, and looked amazing. I'm not sure how many of you will relate, but for me, I am struggling with body image a lot more now that I am getting smaller. I still see the 460 pound girl in a sense. When I look at clothes I am used to only fitting in HUGE clothes so if it doesn't look HUGE on the hanger I usually assume that I will not fit in it. Seeing myself in these dresses kind of opened my eyes. They elongated me and really showed how much thinner I am, my confidence went sky high.  So, that same day we were also trying to find another outfit for my daughter to wear in family photos that are coming up. So we go to Fashion Bug, and again I decide to wear my brave girl panties and try on some more clothes.... Are you ready..... I fit into jeans, ME, the fat girl who hasn't worn jeans for almost 15 years, fit into a pair of jeans. Granted they had an elastic waist so I was excited, but wait it gets better.... Yesterday I return to the store to pick up some more leggings (they were on sale) and I decide I am going to be real brave. I try on a pair of jeans with no elastic. Sit down in the dressing room preparing myself for defeat, one leg goes in and then another, pull them up and..... I am now wearing a size 28 regular (no elastic) pair of jeans. My heart almost burst!!!  Needless to say, (but I'm gonna) I went home and cleaned out my closet that was once full of clothes that are now hanging off of me, and I filled it  with clothes that now fit me. Much thanks to my very supportive husband who let me be spoiled this weekend. (time to rebuild savings) :)

     We went to visit graves this weekend also, it's a family tradition to go visit the graves and then go to the park and have KFC.  The night before we left I devised a plan to not fail (first time having KFC this journey). I looked up the nutritional info and was very sad to find out that eating the skin (the crunchy part) more than doubles the calories. With the skin a breast piece is 360 calories and without it, it is only 160. The skin is my favorite, but I decide not to have it. Its a good thing too, my lunch consisted of 1 breast, no skin, about 1/4 cup mashed potatoes, and a biscuit.... The calories...440, that's big for lunch. It's a good thing that I usually don't eat there.



Provo River

   

    



     After the park my hubby decides he wants to check out some fishing spots out were we were and we stumbled across a small piece of the Provo River. Beautiful spot, lousy fishing. We did however enjoy some very cute ducks!














    I think I survived the weekend keeping my 299 goal in mind. I really watched my cheat day to make sure I didn't cheat too far. Zumba was tough last night because I was already tired, but I did it and that is all that matters. Got lots of physical activity it actually. I am excited and nervous to weigh in on Friday. I have not hit a plateau yet and I am praying I don't, at least for a little while. Fingers crossed.........

301.4 - Weekly Report

     Hooray!! I lost 5.4 pounds this week folks! That puts me well on track to meet my June 1st goal of 299, just gotta lose 2.4 pounds this next week and I'm there! I have not been under 300 pounds since I was 18, this will be monumental!!! *Crossing My Fingers, please, please, please, please, please, make it.....* This will also be the first goal I put any sort of time limit on. Not quite sure how I will handle it if it doesn't happen but I am pretty convinced that it will.
     Got a busy weekend ahead of us for this holiday weekend. Tomorrow it's off to sort out storage and get ready for a yard sale. I have finally decided that just like the fat, I am tired of storing stuff I don't need. Then Sunday is church and hubby gets to help the neighbor fix her breaks. Monday, we will be going to visit the graves (quite a trip that is).
     In honor of Memorial Day, I would like to take a minute to thank all of the United States soldiers who do, and ever have, defended this country so that people like me could live a wonderful and free life. I would also like to pay tribute to all of my loved ones who are no longer with us, you are forever loved, missed, and often thought of!
     Here's looking forward to a wonderful week! I hope all of you have one as well!

Back In Action

     So after a 2 week hiatus from any on purpose excersize, I put Zumba back in the dvd player on Monday. Man, who would have thought after such a short time that it would be harder. I talked myself through it though and did it again today. Got to stay focused if I'm going to make my June 1st goal! Note to self: Don't take a two week break from things!

                                                         Not Me (I Wish)... Motivation!!

     Boy am I glad that the folks at Zumba put out DVDs... I don't think I could shake all this in public. I will say this though, I thought I had no rythm, but doing this workout I am finding that this girl (me) has rythm after all. I know that I don't look anything like the people on the T.V. but I can do it and for me that is saying something. 9 Months ago I strained to walk down the street. I am always amazed at the things my body can do.
     Today I have my day planned out (food wise) up until my last snack, and I am pretty stoked! I did rather well. I decided to share some of my meals with you:

*Breakfast*

230 calories

Fruit & Yougurt Parfait

1 small light blueberry yogurt

1 medium banana

1/4 cup oat blenders with almonds (cereal)

*Lunch*

249 calories

Grilled Chicken & Spinach Salad

3 oz grilled boneless skinless chicken breast

1 handful fresh spinach

1/2 cup mushrooms

2 tbsp light house chunky blue cheese

(I don't sacrifice my fav salad dressing, just make room in my calorie budget)

*Dinner*

405 Calories

Grilled Steak Fajitas

made this as a meal for the fam so all my totals were split 6 ways below are the aprox amnts I myself consumed.

3 oz lean grilled steak

1/6 red onion

1/4 cup frozen bell pepper mix

1/2 cup mushrooms

fajita seasoning

1 flour tortila (halved)

2 tbsp fat free sour cream

     I don't normally share my food but I have seen it done on other's blogs and thought that it was a helpful thing to add. I love getting ideas from others for my own food, it adds variety to my life and I love playing with them to make them suit my tastes and needs. 



Succsess!! My experience with Hair-An Syndrome (PCOD)

     I had a life event happen early Sunday morning, (I'll spare gruesome details), that lead me to an idea for a post... Surprise... Here I am! I write about this not to bore you, but rather because it directly relates to my weight loss journey. The medical condition I want to talk about is suffered by many who may not even know they have it. Many doctors still don't know a lot about it. The testing is very specific and without it, the condition is often mis diagnosed or not diagnosed at all. I will let you in on my life event at the end of my post. :)
     I have struggled with weight most of my life, I think the last time that I was skinny I was 4. My mom had a hard time figuring out why I was gaining so much weight as at first I was not really eating too much, yet the weight kept creeping up. When I was 5 I hit a very precocious puberty to which the doctors all told my mother she was being over protective and that this was normal. I don't know if it was lack of medical knowledge at the time or if these people originated on some other planet, but, the typical 5 year old does not have a period, pubic hair, or breasts. The monthly visitor only came once at the time but like a flower in spring I continued to bloom at alarming rates. When I was 12 the visitor returned again, only once, and finally the doctor's began to do some testing. Over the next several years I was taken to many doctors who ran many tests most of which were normal, though now the doctors are agreeing that something isn't right, they're just not sure. At around the age of 17 we finally find someone who seems to have a clue and I am "diagnosed" with PCOD (Poly cystic Ovarian Disease). It fit, the extra weight, only menstruating with the help of birth control, larger than normal ovaries, and facial hair. The treatment: continue birth control, and to help with the facial hair, a diuretic called Spironalactone. Well, something still wasn't looking right and 2 years later at the age of 19 I met a doctor at the University of Utah's Endocrinology Clinic who took one look at me and says: "You've got Hair-An-Syndrome." Tests were ran to confirm, and bingo!! We finally have an answer to what is wrong with me.
     For those of you now wondering what in the world that is, I will explain, first in somewhat lamen's terms. Hair-An Syndrome is a relative of PCOD, the term is an acronym, I will start with that. HA- hyperandrogenism (excess androgens), can cause: unusual hair growth, oily skin, hair loss, acne, increased libido (not always a problem LOL), menstrual disfunction and infertility. IR- Insulin Resistance (insulin does not function right) can cause: Insulin resistance ,can come in different forms; some people have high levels of insulin but normal levels of glucose, while others have glucose measurements in the diabetic range. This can lead to type 2 diabetes (more info through link). AN- acanthosis nigricans, can cause you to look like you have a dirty neck, and increased skin tags. For years my mom accused me of not washing my neck... HA! My neck's not dirty mom! Treatment for this varies, but usually includes Metformin, and birth control. I have used bc in the past but was always terrible at taking my medication. After doing some reading I have decided not to take bc (the risks aren't worth it to me). I wanted to begin taking progesterone instead, to bring on a menstrual cycle, but do not have insurance to see the appropriate docs. About 5 months ago I began taking my Metformin on a regular basis, not really expecting much other than keeping my insulin resistance under control. Guess What??? It works!! I have had my first cycle on my own (without the aid of bc) since I was 12!!!!!!! This is fantastic news because I never thought it possible. If I can cycle on my own, perhaps I can conceive on my own???
     Here is a link where you can get more info on HAIR-AN syndrome:    HAIR-AN Syndrome: A Multi system Challenge
  
  

306.8 - Weekly Report

     Much to my relief, this weeks weigh in went really well (306.8, grand total of -153.2 pounds)! I thought that last weekend's vacay splurge may have slowed me down, but, I have managed to stay the course! That makes me so happy and will keep me on track for the goals that I set in last nights post. I have 14 days to make it to my 299 goal which is only 3.4 pounds per week. I can totally do it! My plan to make it happen is just to keep on going with the calorie counting and also to resume my Zumba regime which is 3 times a week 30 minutes at a time. I have not done it for a couple of weeks because I had hurt my knee by pushing too hard and then last weeks vacay and cleaning up after it. I have supplemented by the fishing and by all my activity but still not as good as Zumba, because it is my only cardio right now, and, helps put some shape to this now mis-shapen body of mine.
     One thing I learned this week is that if you are losing weight, don't wait a month to wear something you have.... I was going to wear a pair of pants that I hadn't touched in a month and was totally stoke because they are cute, I put them on and they are way too big, not so cute. I am sad about that but now know I won't wait so long to wear something. I also further proved to myself that it is ok to live once in awhile and eat the things I love and not pay too dearly.
     Well, I guess I will close for now, hope everyone is having a fantastic week!!

Random Thoughts...

     So, over the last few days I have been having some random thoughts, bear with me this post will probably be just as random. And weigh in is tomorrow so you will be hearing from me again then too :) .
     My hubby (Daniel) and I were talking last night about goals, and I was really quite surprised to see just how close I really am. I know how far I have come because I weigh in every week but until you put time stamps on things it is really hard to put things into perspective. I am about 60 pounds away from my first BIG goal of 250 pounds (I will have a more accurate number tomorrow when I weigh in). Assuming that I stay with my current trend of about 3 pounds per week for the rest of May, that will put me at about 301 by June 1. I am going to push for 299 so I had better step up the Zumba LOL! If I can manage to lose 15 pounds a month for June, July, and August that will land me about 255 pounds at the end of August... Only 5 pounds away from my goal, and will have been 1 year since my journey began. That is 205 pounds in a year. OMG that's like a full grown man! I can do this, I just need to stay focused!
     A lap top for my lap!!!! Yes people you are hearing me right... Who would have thought that a lap top would fit so comfortably on my lap? Laugh if you will but this is just one of the many things I have not had the luxury of doing until now. My belly has always covered my legs while sitting, and somewhat even while standing. I love it when I have small victories like this! Chairs were another victory, often times I would find myself standing when offered a seat just to avoid the embarrassment of possibly not fitting, getting stuck, or worse... breaking it! We just got my first camp chair a month ago, I have been sitting on buckets because the weight limit of anything sold at Wal-Mart is typically only rated for 300 pounds. It has been real nice being able to fish comfortably. I have had fear of chairs for quite some time now, it all began about 14 years ago, I think I was 19... Anyway my mom had taken me to Dee's for lunch and when we were seated (at a booth) I had to squeeze myself into it. The fit was so tight I could barely eat my lunch because there wasn't room for the food. I sat there humiliated as my mom looked at me with the saddest eyes. I have avoided booths, some chairs, and certain restaurants ever since. I wonder if I will ever get over that fear.....
     I read a news article about obesity in Utah when I was at the laundromat on Tuesday.... They are predicting that by 2030 42% of the U.S will be in the obese category. This article can be found here http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/news/54096196-78/obesity-health-utah-percent.html.csp .  As someone who has been not only in the obese category but the morbidly obese category for most of her life, this makes me sad. I wish that there was a way to fast forward the clocks and show people just how hard it will be to function in everyday life, how hard it will be to lose the weight once you are there, and the physical          abnormalities when you finally do decide to lose the weight. Before I started my journey I could barely function, there were some mornings I would get out of bed and be near tears the moment I set my foot on the floor. Many people will remember how often I had to sit, even to cook a meal. Now that the weight is dropping so is my skin. I see parts of my body that would be fairly thin if it weren't for the several inches of skin hanging off of them. If I had only listened when I was younger and my skin were more elastic. If only I had cared as much then as I do now, I would not have to struggle so much with my appearance. I have missed out on a lot of my life because of my weight. By the grace of God, I am being given another chance at life. I hope sharing my story will help keep me inspired and inspire those who may be struggling with the same issues.
     On a lighter note, my vegetable garden is coming in well! For those of you who don't know, I live in an apartment and am trying to grow veggies in pots on my back porch. I will post pics soon... We have actual tomatoes and bell peppers growing on the plants now and odd as it may sound they are so cute!
     Okay, I imagine it is time to stop with the randomness and come to a close. I've still got to log the rest of my calories for the day.  Hope you all are having a fabulous week! See you tomorrow for weigh in results!

310 - Weekly Report

     Wow! What a week... 310 was my weigh in on Thursday 5/10. It was a day early but I couldn't be happier, only 11 pounds to go and I will be under 300. I have not been able to say that since I was 18 or so. I am hoping to get there in about 3 weeks, realistic I think.
     If you peek at my weekly nutrition report you will notice that there are a few extra days and that this post is late. Well, that is because I went on vacation. I decided while on vacation that I would still track what I was eating but not put too much worry on what it was I was eating. I figure that one week is not going to make or break me (tune in on Friday to find out). I did ok as far as calorie consumption, did not go over what I am allowed (2,029 calories) except for one day I think. I did go over what I normally eat which is about 1,500. My nutrition on the other hand is quite a different story, it was bad!! Not even going to lie.
     So I spent most of my week running my butt off to get ready for this trip which is why I think I had lost so much weight this week. I did not do any exercise, at least not purposely so I was surprised I had lost so much. Vacations are so much work, I kind of wonder why people think it is relaxing because it's kind of a lot to do... Thinking I need a vacation from the vacation LOL!!    
     You're probably wondering where we went.... well, nowhere seemingly spectacular, but somewhere special to my family as it is where my husbands side of the family lives (a good bunch of em' anyway). Got to spend a lot of time with some people we have not seen for ages... My favorite day was on Saturday, we fished ALL day long. Just FYI, fishing even while sitting burns a good amount of calories. It would vary from person to person as there are lots of factors that play into how much one burns but for me it was like 290 calories per hour (we did it for 6).... Awesome I thought!!!

 Hawkins Reservoir, Idaho

     We fished in several different spots including; Hawkins Reservoir, Cold Springs River, and Alexander Reservoir. Hawkins was my fav because it was the only place we caught any fish, but the whole experience was pretty cool. We fish a lot at home but usually in the same spots so it was good to get out someplace different. Ended up a little crispy but had a blast!!

     As I close for this week I will leave you with this.... Now that I am used to eating healthy foods, I find that eating junk is not as fun as it used to be. I end up feeling sick and it leaves me bloated. I'll have to work extra hard this next week (which starts today) to make up for the fun I had over the last few days. I can do it though!!

QAFZVEWNZTDF

313.2 - Weekly Report

     Well today's weigh in brought more good news, I am now 313.2 pounds... That makes a total of 146.8 pounds lost so far. I have not weighed so little since I was 19 years old, I am 33 now.
     This week was full of ups and downs for me. I spent the first part of the week in a very blah state due to the fact that I melted my food scale. Note to self : even if the burners are off, the back burner will be VERY hot if the oven is on.... I found it a little difficult to log my calories accurately. I try to weigh everything versus measuring it because it is more precise.
     My knee started hurting on Sunday, and silly me decided to do Zumba anyway... Bad idea, ended up having to sit the rest of the week out. Needless to say with the scale and my knee out of commission, I didn't figure for much of a loss this week. (Pleasantly Surprised)
     After worrying about my new baggage (loose skin) for the past few months, I decided that I should start looking into some ways to get rid of it. Most of the reading I did gave me little to no hope other than plastic surgery. I thought to myself great... That's exactly what I'll do, so I began looking into that- can we say fall off the chair OMG. That stuff is expensive and for what I will need done about $33-40 THOUSAND dollars. Most of which is NOT covered by insurance (which I don't have). Needless to say I felt hopeless, I'm going to be stuck with this stuff forever??? Well....then I get a call from my mom who has been seeing a plastic surgeon for the last little while for her knee. She says that she has been talking to him about me and he wants to see me on Wednesday. I am stoked but figure there is no way he can do all of this, I can't pay him. I go cause I want to see what he has to say.... There is a Lord in Heaven and he was shining down on me that day. The doc is so pleased with my progress and that I am doing it naturally, he will work with me.... I could kiss the man!!! Anyway, I still have about 118 pounds to lose so I go back and see him in 3-4 months. Can y'all hear that??? That's me being happy!!! The hospital fees are not included in his so I will have to figure out how to come up with it (up front). He says that if I can get some insurance by then that it will most likely cover my tummy lift. I am still shining from that meeting!!
     The rest of the week was just kind of there, but I got a new food scale today so from tomorrow on all will feel right in the world, and this next week will be fantastic!

I Am Still Here, And Doing Well

Okay, so it has been a long while since I have posted anything on here aside from a few design updates. Rest assured I have NOT fallen off the wagon. Actually, I have done quite well (pictures will be posted at the end of this entry). I have been super busy with life in general which is why I have not posted on here as of late. I have decided however, that if I am going to achieve my goal(s) I need to start making time for this as well. I am committing right here and now to post at least a weekly update. My first one being tomorrow. In the meantime, here are some more recent photos.

February 2012
Both of these photos were taken within a few days of each other at 107 pounds gone.... (353 pounds) Quite a difference.....