Mini Mile-StoneSince we are on the subject of fitting into things, I also took a trip through a clothes box (ones that were too small) and found that one of my favorite pairs of shorts fit now. They are a size 26 and I have been hanging on to them for at least 6 years. You heard me right, lol, I have hung on to these bad boys for a very long time. Thankfully they did not dry rot like my swim suits. Now I just got to get up the nerve to wear shorts again.
Lately I have been thinking a lot about how I can change my perception of myself. I know I have talked about it before, but even though I have lost 170 pounds, I find that I still think about myself as being 460 pounds. Being over weight for so long has forced me to adapt to and avoid certain situations. This is turning out to be somewhat of a bravery test for me. I worry very much about fitting in chairs, even though I fit in most now. I worry about going to restaurants and theaters for fear that their seating will not be adequate. I worry about trying on clothes that look smaller than the clothes I wore before. I worry about what people might say if the "fat girl" goes walking by, even though most people don't look at me the way they used to. I worry about wearing those shorts, even though I've been told that they look nice. In the past few days I have caught glimpses of myself in the mirror and stupidly had to ask... Is that me?? It can't be. It is... Oh wow! I worry most of all about identifying myself as a smaller person, especially when I reach goal. Will I know how to act... Is this normal?? I looked this skewed idea up on the internet, hoping to make myself feel better and I succeeded. I found a piece on MSNBC on just that, a story of a lady who is going through the same thing. Apparently it is pretty common to have this distorted self image after losing a lot of weight. I don't feel so alone now. I need to find some way of changing that perception. I have not made it that far in the thought process yet, so any suggestions would be great.
I will leave you now with a picture of our very first tomato (from our garden).... It was sooo yummy and sweet. I have a new recipe that I will post on Thursday. Hope you all have a wonderful and amazing 4th of July Holiday!
That's great Brandie, now you can relax in your bath to your hearts content! :)
ReplyDeleteYou must be so delighted to get into your favourite shorts, the fact that you've kept them and now they fit means you absolutely deserve to wear them. You've worked for them! I completely understand your fears of learning to identify your changing self. I think it boils down to what you've said before, we really are our own worst critics.
P.S. Your tomato looks yummy! :)
Thank you as always Mege, for your great comment. I still have not worked up the nerve to wear the shorts, I kind of feel naked in them since I am used to having my legs covered lol. Hopefully I get up the nerve while they still fit. Ha Ha
DeleteThank you for your comment and for stopping by. :)
ReplyDeleteGirl, go put those shorts on and wear them around the house, to the store, wherever you can! You have worked hard to get into them! Take a picture of yourself in them so that you can see how far you have come! Maybe seeing yourself as others see you will help you work on enjoying your body as it is now. It kind of seems like it is hard ether way you go, whether you have gained or lost a large amount of weight because you have to redefine your wardrobe, what looks good and what doesn't, your image of yourself, etc. I had never thought of it that way, thank you for the insight. :o)
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